Blinding Lights
by Twi-ride.Fly
Summary: When Alexandria Dixon tries takes her life, her parents save her just in time. Now as a full time resident at Garden State Rehabilitaion Center, her new friends show her their way of life. Andy, however, shows her a new kind of love.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

My world is coming crashing down towards me and I can't stop it. The bright lights are blinding me as I go and I can't stop it. My life is flashing before my eyes. I try to run away but I can't stop it.

I blame my parents for always comparing me to my sisters. I blame my sisters for never listening to me since I'm the youngest.

I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's just all too much.

Everyone is demanding that I to get into a good college, get scholarships, make something of my life, but what if I'm not ready to move on? What if I'm not ready to keep going with my life? This world is just too much. I have nothing to live for anymore.

I don't feel anything anymore. What are emotions to me anyway? All they do is cause pain and hurt. All they do is cause me grief. There is one emotion I can still feel though. It's the only emotion I seem to let in anymore. Besides anger that is.

I can feel pain.

Pain makes me feel alive. It makes me feel something good in this god awful place I call home.

I'm perfect though right? I don't act this way. I'm not rash, spontaneous or crazy. Well then everyone doesn't know the real me. This is who I am. This is who I have been for a long time.

Ever since I met him. He's the reason I cut.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Alexandria Dixon woke up in a hospital bed not knowing where she was. The room was sterile white. The sheets were still clean and crisp as if they'd been untouched for days. It made her wonder how long she had been in this room.

Her eyes roamed the room, taking in every detail. Hoping something would give away where she was, what day it was, or any indication of detail that would make sense in her confused brain. Her dad was in a chair opposite her bed, snoring softly. Her mother had pulled a chair up next to her bedside and had fallen asleep holding hands with her daughter. Alex looked down at their intertwined hands and saw the white bandages going up her arms, but she could seem to figure out how they got there.

Feeling parched, she went to lift her arm to grab the glass of water on her bedside table but was held back by restraints that were fastened to her arms. Her heart rate began to pick up and terrified to find out the reason she was locked up in this hospital. Had she hurt someone? Why couldn't she remember what had happened?

She shook her mother, who awoke with a start. She looked at her daughter with tear filled eyes.

"Alex." She kissed her forehead. "You're finally awake." She went to wake Alex's father and woke him up as well. They expected to see relief on their daughters face that she was alright, but instead they saw panic and alarm.

"What happened?" she asked. "How did I get here?"

Her parents looked at their daughter with worry etched upon their faces.

"Do you not remember?" her father asked tentatively. Alex shook her head no.

"I'll go get the doctor." Her mom said quietly. This made Alex even more on edge. Her heart raced and her breathing picked up again. Her chest started constricting and she was beginning to feel light headed. Her mother returned and sat next to her daughter, stroking her hair as she calmed her down the way she knew best.

The doctor walked in ten minutes later, solemn expression upon his face.

"Hello Alexandria, my name is Dr. Greggor. I've been taking care of you since you were brought here to St. Mary's hospital." He said.

"How long have I been here exactly?" Alex asked in a small voice.

"Your parents brought you to the emergency room about two weeks ago. Do you remember that? Or why you were brought here in the first place? Anything?" Alex looked at her parents and Dr. Greggor. She felt like a small child under their persistent gazes.

"No," she whispered, "I don't remember anything." The doctor pulled a chair up beside her bedside and her parents followed in suit.

"Alexandria—" Dr. Greggor started.

"Call me Alex. Please. It makes this feel less business like." Alex begged.

Dr. Greggor gave a small smile which disappeared when he started talking again. "When you were brought to St. Mary's you had lost a lot of blood. Your parents had found you in your room passed out cold. We got your test results back and your blood-alcohol levels were extremely high. The blood you lost, and were still losing, was from the cuts all up your arms. Alex, were you inflicting these injuries upon yourself?"

Dr. Greggor sounded so sincere, it made Alex want to confess what happened and why, but she knew they would think she was crazy and that it wasn't a real reason to do something so rash. So she hid from the past and just answered the question.

"Yes, I gave myself these cuts." She answered quietly.

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Reviews are happiness. Happiness is love. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

The doctor sighed and stood up, "Thank you for telling me the truth Alex. Mr. and Mrs. Dixon may I speak with you in the hall for a moment?" Her parents nodded and stood up to walk into the hall. Dr. Greggor began to walk out of the room, but was stopped by Alex's last question.

"Dr. Greggor? Why am I strapped to the bed?" she asked softly.

Dr. Greggor turned to look at Alex. She looked scared and fragile. It seemed as if he chose the wrong words she would break instantly into a thousand pieces.

"You woke up, or at least we thought you did, a couple of days ago. You lashed out and starting attacking anything in the room. You were throwing vases, ripping sheets apart. You hurt anything and anyone you could get your hands on. We had to sedate you and strap you down to insure that if it happened again we'd be ready for it." Without another word Dr. Greggor walked out of the room and into the hallway with her parents.

She was relieved when they left and she was left alone because she felt like a monster. She lashed out at people? How could she not remember that? An uneasy thought struck her. Had she hurt someone? Alex tired to think of any possible way to get to her parents to talk to them, but with the restraints she wasn't going anywhere. Her parents came back into the room with serious looks upon their faces.

"Do I get to go home with you?" Alex asked, except she knew the answer they were going to give. Her parents took her hands in theirs and shook their heads 'no.' Tears welled up in Alex's eyes. "Are you leaving me here?" she asked in a watery voice.

"Sweetie," her dad started, "your mother and I are admitting you to the nearest rehabilitation center. From how many cuts you had made and how many scars there were, we can't take another risk of losing you. It's not that we don't trust you. It's just," he sighed and looked at his wife, who was all ready reduced to tears, "We just don't want to lose you."

Alex was silent. She knew where her parents were coming from. If she was in their shoes she would probably do the same. But, she was their youngest daughter; how could they just leave her?

Alex looked at her dad. He looked older than usual and very tired. Her mother looked much worse. She had dark circles around her eyes and her hair looked as if it hadn't been groomed in days. Her arms were what caught Alex's attention. She had bruises on her forearms and cuts stitched up.

"Mom…" Alex whispered. She reached for her arms, but her mother pulled away. She quickly pulled her sleeves down.

"It's in the past, honey…" She said.

"I did that?" Alex was shocked to say the least. Her mother solemnly nodded.

That's when it occurred to Alex that maybe her parents thought that if she got help, everything would be okay and go back to normal. They weren't punishing her for what she had done, they were helping her; trying to make her better.

"Okay…I'll stay."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Her parents signed her admittance forms to Garden State Rehabilitation Center. She was moved there from the hospital the same day that she woke up. Her parents didn't want to waste anytime, she guessed. She kissed her parents goodbye from her new room and watched them walk away with her new doctor.

The room was sterile white, just like the hospital, and her sheets were crisp and newly made. It looked like a room that was meant for display, and not for her to live in. There was a knock at the door and Alex's new doctor walked in. Dr. St. James was a middle aged woman with curly blonde hair. She was a petite woman for her age, seeing as she was married with three kids, all under the age of eighteen. She didn't speak to Alex as if she were just another patient; she talked to her as if she were one of her children.

"Have you gotten all settled in?" Dr. St. James asked. She and Alex shared a glance at her unopened, unmoved suitcases. "You'll get used to it. It just takes a little time."

"Dr. St. James-"

"Mimi."

"Okay, Mimi, what are the rules here?" Alex asked. "I mean, obviously no leaving, no going outside, no contact with the outside world..."

"Actually we're very lenient here. Your curfew to be back in your room is 11 o'clock p.m. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner is served in the cafeteria. Snack foods are served all day long. You can hang out in your room in your free time if you'd like, but the door must remain open. The girl's restroom, like you saw when you walked in, is right down the hall. The main rule is you are not allowed to roam around by yourself at any time. We understand if you are going to get someone, but just there fast. We strongly believe in and enforce the buddy system." Dr. St. James finished with a light smile. The whole time Mimi went over the rules, she stayed very cheery and joyful as she did when entering the room. Alex, however, couldn't decide whether to be relieved or terrified of her new "home."

Mimi's pager went off; she gave a quick apology and left the room.

Alex started walking towards her bags but stopped short. Unpacking meant staying; did she really want to stay? Did she need to stay? Alex sat down and looked at her bags. She thought of why she was here. She couldn't get better at home by herself, could she? She thought back to her parents walking out of the door. Her father had a look on his face that said, "I wish there was another way." Her mother was silently crying. Then Alex remembered her mother's bruised and stitched arms. She slowly pulled her first suitcase closer and unzipped it. Better now than never to unpack. If she didn't do it now she never would.

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Sorry the chapters have been so short. They get longer as time goes on, but not a whole ton. I usually do a ton of short-medium chapters. But the fact that you're reading this is enough for me. Although I'd love it if you reviewed too :D


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4

Alex didn't bring any clothes with her, mainly because there were uniforms at the center. She would have to wear white pants with a white shirt and white slip on shoes. She wondered why everything seemed to look so perfect and sterile, but let the thought go as she opened her suitcase. All of her belongings had been checked. Anything that she could have been used to potentially used to hurt herself had been removed. On top of the few belongings that weren't taken were loose pictures. The first one to catch her eye was Alex with her mother, father, and sisters. Her oldest sister, Olivia, had graduated from college last year and moved to New York. Her second oldest sister, Gloriana, was finishing her college career in grad school. She hadn't seen either of them for six months.

The next picture was a snapshot of Alex as a baby, dressed as a puppy for Halloween. There were some of her and her family, and some with friends that she hadn't seen or talked to in years. Then she saw the photo that tore her world in two.

Alex and Lucas.

She quickly folded the picture and stuffed it in the bottom of her suitcase. She couldn't stand looking at his smug, cocky face.

The last picture in the pile was Alex and her best friend, Quinn Mareeno. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at the picture. It was taken on the last day they had ever seen each other. Tears rolled down her cheeks and onto the photo, and then she heard a knock on the door.

"Knock, knock! We're here to welcome you to G.S.R.C!" A boy's voice said. Alex turned away from them to wipe her eyes. "Oh, hey, hey, now, you'll get used to it here," He said sympathetically.

Alex stood up and looked at her "Welcoming Party." There were two girls and a boy.

"I'm Katerina, this is Natalie, and that's Chuck."

"I'm," she sniffled and wiped her tears away, "I'm Alexandria."

Katerina had a bright pink pixie cut and she looked like a ball of energy that was bound to explode. She was what people would call curvy. Katerina looked as if she'd never set foot in a gym. Natalie was the total opposite. She had long, dark hair that went to the middle of her back. She was very calm and had a soothing voice. She was a skinny as a toothpick, but very fit looking. Chuck was a mixture of the two. His shaggy brown hair hung in his eyes and he looked at Alex with a friendly smile. He looked like somebody who had just left a Nike photoshoot. Alex couldn't help but notice how huge his biceps were.

"What are you up to right now?" Natalie asked. Alex looked at her unpacked suitcase.

"I planned on unpacking, but that doesn't seem to be happening. I cant seem to find the want." She laughed. Katerina hooked her arm through hers.

"Well then, change into your uniform and we'll give you a tour of our town!" Katerina exclaimed. They all laughed and Alex actually felt welcomed; something she never expected to happen. After changing, Alex and her new friends set off.

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This is one of the last really short chapters. After this they get progressively longer. Reviews are love. Love is happiness. :D


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

The tour was pretty self explanatory. It was a one floor building. The cafeteria was in the middle of it all and there were five hallways leading to the five different sections of the building. There was suicide watch, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, the psych ward and the infirmary. Alex already knew which section she was coming from and it made the whole situation seem much more real. They ended up outside under a big oak tree. Everyone was lounging around on the ground while Katerina swayed slowly on the lone swing tied to a branch.

"So," Katerina started with, "How did you end up in here?"

"Me?" asked Alex. She hadn't noticed that the question was directed towards her. "Uh, well…I'm kind of ashamed of it."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Would you feel better if we told you our stories first?" Natalie asked. "I mean, we've been here long enough that we're starting to accept our problems." Alex nodded her head slowly

"Okay, well then I'll start." Katerina said, standing up over –dramatically. "My name is Katerina Calloway. I'm eighteen years old and come from Denver, Colorado. My parents are proud owners of their fancy shmancy ski lodge and I am their 'not proud, over-zealous' daughter. My parents were always busy and they never cared about where I was, or what I was doing. I took advantage of that by stealing wine and booze from the kitchen, blamed it on the staff, and went to pretty hardcore parties. I never really cared about what I was doing to my reputation or to my family and soon my addiction was too much. I passed out while driving and crashed my car into a tree. My parents searched and searched to find me the 'best rehabilitation center that money could buy.' So I'm stuck here. I leave, and then six months later, I'll be right back here."

"I'm sorry to hear that. It must be really hard for you, huh, Katerina?" Alex asked.

"Well, the only thing that makes it difficult is that I usually go back to drinking because my parents never change." Katerina sighed. "Oh, and stop calling me Katerina, please. Everybody here calls me Kat." They laughed and looked between Chuck and Natalie. Chuck spoke up first.

"My name is Chuck Casey. I'm nineteen years old and I hail from good old N.Y.C. I'll just come right out with it and say that I have a drug addiction. Eight months ago I went to a party and did all sorts of stuff. But my addiction really started a few weeks after the party. I started doing anything; heroine, pot, little cocaine, and heavy drinking. Whenever I came home I knew I needed more drugs. My parents saw me and knew I was headed in a horrible direction, so they sent me here. At first, I hated them for it. I didn't want to be here. They made me quit cold turkey and pushed me through some tough detoxification. I'm not able to go home now because my parents still don't trust me. But truthfully, I don't trust myself either."

Alex put her hand on Chuck's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand back.

"I guess I'm the only one left." Natalie sighed. "My name is Natalie Marie Sho. I'm eighteen and from Chinatown, Chicago, Illinois. I lived with my dad, stepmother, and her three annoying kids. I tried to kill myself, but it didn't work. But, uh, well," Natalie cut off abruptly and bit back a sob. "I'm sorry, I can't finish right now. My mom visited yesterday and…" Kat got off her swing and put her arm around her friend. Chuck did the same and Alex put her hand over Natalie's and whispered her response.

"Last week, I cut myself, hoping to end my life. I know what you're going through." Alex gave a small smile which Natalie returned. "I don't think I can fully explain myself just yet, but…" Alex rolled up her sleeves, revealing her bandaged arms. The gasped in unison as they gazed upon the cuts that she had made.

"So, as you can see, I have a long way to go…" Alex said.

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It gets a longer still. I hope. I'd love reviewsssss. good or bad?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

A bell sounded around the courtyard that made Alex jump.

"Chill," Kat said. "It's just the lunch bell." The laughed and began to head back inside.

Once inside, they found a table and Kat placed one of her shoes on it.

"How will you know it's yours?" Alex asked. Kat lifted the shoe, showing her the big, purple, glittery heart on the tongue. "Well, that makes complete sense!" Alex said, laughing.

They settled around their table with trays of food, having conversations about nothing, when Alex first saw him.

The boy walked in as if he hadn't had a care in the world. His blonde hair didn't quite fall over his forehead, which made it easier to see his eyes; a piercing, crystal blue pair that could cut through any soul. Although everyone wore the same uniform, his stood out the most to Alex. He seemed to look the best out of everyone. Alex stopped ogling at him when she realized that he was walking towards their table.

"Hey guys. Can I sit with you?" the boy asked.

"No, Andy. You can't. It's not like you sit with us every single day or anything." Kat said sarcastically.

"Very funny, Kat; who's the new girl?" Andy asked.

"I'm Alexandria Dixon, but please, call me Alex." Alex said with confidence that she was surprised to have.

"Well, Alex, I'm Andrew McCallister. It's nice to meet you." Andy shook her hand and sat down in the empty chair next to her. "Oh, and everyone calls me Andy." A silence took over the table.

"So…" Andy asked; only to result in more silence. "What are you in here for, Alex?" he asked.

"Uhm, Suicide Watch," Alex replied shyly. "And you?"

"I'm out of the psych ward for good behavior at the moment. But I was moved from there and put into Alcohol Addiction. I have…many problems…"

"So you just drift from place to place?" Alex asked.

"I guess you could say that." Andy laughed. Before Alex could press for more, Dr. St. James came over to their table.

"How's everyone doing today?" she asked with a smile.

"Good." Everyone said in unison.

"That's great. Alex? Do you want to take a walk with me?" Mimi asked.

"Uh, sure…?" Alex replied.

"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing bad." Mimi tried to comfort her.

"I'll catch up with you guys later?" Alex suggested to her friends. They all nodded and continued conversing. Alex and Andy locked eyes until Alex had to walk away. She felt something in his gaze. He looked at her as if she was fragile and could very easily be broken. Alex pushed the thought out of her mind and followed Dr. St. James into her office.

"What exactly is this about?" she asked.

"Your parents and I were talking before they left. Dr. Greggor, your parents, and myself agree that you need to see a psychiatrist." Mimi said seriously.

"Like a shrink? But, I'm not crazy!" Alex exclaimed.

"You're right. You aren't crazy, Alex. A psychiatrist isn't here to diagnose you for any mental issues. It's just someone to talk to. Think of her as more of a guidance counselor than a psychiatrist." Mimi explained.

"Her?" Alex asked.

"Yes, her name is Christine Carlson. She's been working for us for years." Alex still seemed uneasy about it. "I promise you it will be fine. She's really a very nice person. We can set up your first appointment. We could bring your parents in and they could go with you if you would like?"

Alex thought about how much pain her parents were in because of her. She didn't want them to be here when she finally opened up and told her story. That's assuming that she ever decided to.

"I'll go by myself…When should I start?" Alex asked.

"How does tomorrow at eleven sound to you?" Mimi looked at Alex as if she were one of her children.

"Sounds fine, I'll be there."

Alex walked back to the cafeteria and saw that her friends had left. In fact, everyone had. Everyone, but Andy.


End file.
